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Counselling Blenheim, Marlborough

© 2015-2020 by Tatiana Ceban

 

Why we do not love our bodies?

“Few of us have lost our minds, but most of us have long ago lost our bodies” - Ken Wilber


Talking to women about their body is a really hard work. Firstly, because in most of the cases it is about negative attitude, a variety of feelings that include shame, disregard, and even hate. Body hating is sadly part of the modern world and shows the lack of acceptance for the body that is prevalent. It may show up as taboos, embarrassment or humour in the business context. Whatever is the negative message I hear, and I know that is about disconnection. Women are disconnected from their body and it can be seen even in the images they create.*


Secondly, it is a hard topic because it takes a long journey to work on changing women’s approach and their mind-sets. It is hard, but it is worth to teach women about embodiment, a concept that not many heard of. Embodiment brings back the connection which is so important to regain. If you really get an understanding of it, the awareness, acceptance, responsiveness and much desired health will come back to you. But before, I strongly encourage to be honest with ourselves and to understand…


*These images are created by women I worked with in individual or group counselling context. I publish these pictures with the permission of their owners.


Why we do not love our bodies? Our body shows clearly what is going on with us. In a way it is a betrayal many will think… Embarrassment, fear, excitement, anger and other feelings - they all have their own place in our body and their own bodily reaction. We would really like to manage this, but we can’t. Any attempts to stop, to block, or to control our feelings only lead to the medical fact that they express themselves even louder in a form of a psychosomatic symptom (blood pressure, hormonal disruptions, allergies, menstrual dis-regulation, headaches, etc.).


We hate our bodies because they are not ideal and do not meet the social media expectations. Yes, we see hair growing on it, breast sagging, patchy skin, fat, wrinkles, acne, and signs of ageing. We are struggling to resist the normal physiological life of our own body, constantly comparing it with the bodies of others (by the way, people that are ageing like us) and the bodies from a million of pictures. Thanks you, Instagram!


In fact, we are trying in every possible way to get rid of our own body. By building a wall between the "I" and the "him"(the body) we ignore that the "body" is also the "I". Instead of building bridges, trying to understand what are the desires and needs the body tells us about, we make the body (our body!!!) sick, over-weighted, thin, and shameful.


Perhaps this way if most known or preached by our mothers, but… This is a pathway of a woman who didn’t have enough bravery to get to know herself, her needs and her potential, and as a result to start respecting and loving her body. And I know why. It is easier to get an extra piece of cake with excuses on top then an extra time to work on ourselves with a real effort on top.


I am not giving up. Every time I facilitate a group or work individually, I remind myself – healing is impossible without mind-set change.


Recommended reading, watching, listening:

http://www.integrationtraining.co.uk/mark-walsh-founder-director-brighton/

https://www.ted.com/playlists/646/what_is_your_body_trying_to_tell_you

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfgLCTiNzVpIeL_j7Icxh8w